Politics With Peyton: How I Came to Know Christ

I hit a new milestone in my life this fall break: I turned 21. I have experienced joy, sorrow, excitement and many other feelings over the past 21 years. However, the purest feeling I’ve ever felt occurred the day the eyes of my heart were opened and I recommitted my life to Christ.  

I was raised in the church. My family and I frequented a few churches growing up, never straying from my family’s Baptist roots. However, outside of going to church weekly, I never pursued a relationship with the Lord.

My view of God was purely knowledge-based, not relationship-based. 

I knew God was real. I knew He sent His son Jesus to die on the cross and pay for the sins of the world. I knew the contents of the Bible – although not very thoroughly – and I believed it all. What I didn’t know was who God was: His characteristics and attributes. 

I subconsciously lived life as a deist. I treated God as a distant figure in the sky, a transactional being who listened to my prayers but never intervened. I held a wall between us, creating this idea that God created me and left me. 

I had this idea of a loveless God that I had no choice but to serve. 

That was just it, I grew a cold heart towards God. I truly began to believe that God was a God of conditional love. I blamed him for every negative experienced I ever faced. All I saw was a wrathful God who didn’t let a good deed go unpunished. 

I “dedicated” my life to Christ publicly through baptism at 11 years old, only to live the next seven years of my life friendless, confused and depressed. In addition, my family faced incredible hardships, especially my father, who sacrificed 20 years of his life defending our country. He was rewarded with PTSD, political hatred and a physical injury. 

At 18 years old I threw in the towel emotionally. I remember it was nearing 10 p.m. one night as I was cleaning utensils and putting away dishes in my kitchen. Through my tear-filled eyes, I skipped through a playlist of depressing songs, looked up towards my ceiling and told God I did not believe I could meet the conditions of His love. I was done. 

Although I decided that I was done with Christ, Christ was just getting started with me. In July of 2018, I prepared to fully step away from my faith, two days before my church’s mission trip to the Dominican Republic.

It was easier to “play Christian” than to admit my doubts. So, I lived as a hypocrite. 

I had been playing around with the idea of abandoning my faith for months at this point. Even while preparing for this mission trip, I set out to make sure I would never set foot in the Dominican Republic. 

I scheduled to work the week of the trip, never did any preparatory work and even filed for my passport late. I knew that If I were to go, I would be faced with conviction. Because I knew God was real, but I had just decided I didn’t care. To my surprise (and disappointment), my passport arrived in the mail the day before we left for the Dominican Republic. 

What happens next is something I will never forget. While on this seven-day mission trip, God reworked all presuppositions and preconceived ideas I had of Him. And all through a 12-year-old boy named Albin. 

Throughout this trip, Albin claimed me as his “American friend.” He walked with me, sat with me and ate food with me. He shared his testimony and asked for prayer. He loved me unconditionally. 

I did not do anything special for Albin. I did not go out of my way to be there for him. The first day I played water games with another local in the pool and I invited him to play with us. The second day, he brought me a balloon he blew up and tied to a piece of yarn with my name written on one side and “happy mission” written on the other. I did not do anything to deserve his love, yet he chose to love me anyway. 

The second to last night in the Dominican Republic, I journaled in my hotel room and poured my heart out to Christ. I expected conviction, but what I received was resounding affirmation of love that I’d never experienced – Christ’s love. I vowed to Christ that I would strive to live the rest of my life the way He does: unconditionally. 

Whether you were raised in the church or have just surrendered to Christ yesterday, allow me to be a testimony to the fact that Christ wants to know you – all of you. Allow Him to flood into your life and wreck any false ideas you have of Him. Allow Him to reveal the Truth of Himself to you. 

“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for my God is with me” (Psalm 23:4). 

MacKenzie is the opinion editor. Follow her on Twitter.