Do We Really Need More Self-Love?
Written by Lina Pabon Ramirez, Graduate Student Worker
Let’s start with asking ourselves this question: Could we give ourselves something that is simply not in our nature to give? Think about it, we could spend our whole lives searching deep inside of us for more self-love as we are constantly told to do so. However, the truth is unless our hearts and our minds are aligned with God’s truth, the way He sees us and the way He conceives we were made new, free and enough through the blood of Jesus (1 peter 2:24; Isaiah 53:5-6); self- love can easily become another fantasy we are running and chasing.
God wants us to see ourselves in His eyes and to be able to give that love inwardly to ourselves don’t get me wrong, but He surely doesn’t want us to make self- love an idol. And sadly, even our best intentions can get in the way of receiving what the Father has for us. There are days where I wake up and self-gratitude and self-love are simply out of the question for me… the idea of loving myself “in spite of my imperfections” simply does not do the trick. Instead, what happens is, in an attempt towards more self-love, I look inwardly and end up in a tunnel of more self-loathing, long lists of how I could make myself more X or Y, and I am left feeling as if I have failed even at what’s supposed to be making me feel better… loving myself. And how could I not, if the more I look inwardly the more I see my humanness and not what God sees in me?
So why can’t I “love myself” on those days? Am I even supposed to be loving myself this way? A love that is blind to the reality that is before my eyes… a reality that reminds me that without Him I cannot amount to anything? (John 15:5), that without His blood I am just plain old me living in my head, my thoughts, and my earthly desires? I don’t really think so. In fact, I’m not entirely sure it’s even possible to know, experience or live in “self-love” without receiving God’s love first. How on earth would I be able to give myself something I have not experienced, something I have not known how to do? On the other hand, when I have received God’s love which is truly abundant, never ending, patient, kind, not proud, not self-seeking, protects, hopes, perseveres, rejoices in truth, and keeps no record of wrongs (1 Corinthians 13:4-8), I can view myself in a different light.
So sure, you can say kinder and more positive things about yourself when you look in the mirror but I want to challenge you to think about where those positive statements are coming from and who’s really doing the talking. Is it you talking to your image on the mirror, is it your voice simply longing for a better image of yourself?, or is it God’s voice and God’s truth over you being spoken through your lips and into your spirit? Are you truly allowing God’s love to fill you or are you still running after this idealized idea of self-love by looking more and more into yourself?
So, the question isn’t can I (in my own strength, limited vision and capabilities) love myself more on these days, the question is can I love myself enough to accept this truth? The truth is that God loves me unconditionally but He also does not want to leave me where I am, He always wants more for me. Therefore, can I love myself enough to receive and accept His love and not mine? Can I accept a love that will never settle for less but will always be gentle, kind good, patient and comforting in the process? A love that always desires more for me but could not possibly love me more than He already loves me now?
Those my friend, are the real questions.
