Unmatched Expectations

Jan 25, 2019 • Abby B.

Have you ever thought about how you communicate? When you say hello, do you wave, offer a fist bump, stretch out your hand for a handshake, or go straight for the bear hug? Do you have a catch phrase that everyone expects to hear when you get excited? What is your go-to behavior when you enter an unfamiliar situation? Do you dive in and demonstrate dominance, or do you wait to see how everyone else acts?

I may be a COMS major, but sometimes I really stink at communicating (don’t we all?). My friends say that I’m the queen of indirect communication; I’ll infer all kinds of details just based on someone’s nonverbals and body language. I hate risking confrontation, so I will ALWAYS wait to see what the other person does and then adjust my response accordingly. Usually my hunches are correct, but sometimes I’m wayyyy off.

I’ve been challenged to practice intentional, direct communication throughout these past few months, and after trying (and failing and trying again), I’ve discovered that the following three questions best help me to understand the expectations of others, and they also help me set clear expectations too!

1. What is expected of me?

Believe it or not, people are really pleased when you ask this question genuinely. It allows your professor, your boss, your roommate, etc. the chance to clearly outline what they are looking for you to do (and not to do!). If there are things you don’t agree on, it’s also a chance to strike a compromise when needed. If you initiate this conversation, it opens the door for the other person to reciprocate and ask you what you expect of him or her. This question builds healthy relationships and boundaries with the people around you!

2. Am I fulfilling my role?

If you ask this question, you’ll demonstrate a drive for success and reveal your willingness to work hard. If you’re trying to put your best foot forward in your group project or take responsibility for your share of the quad chores, ask your classmates and roommates if you’re fulfilling your role! Chances are you’ll receive positive feedback in return. However, be prepared to implement any ways they suggest you could improve! Knowledge without application is useless.

3. How can I best help you?

Kindness and intentional listening go a looooong way when having conversations. Sometimes your friend doesn’t really want or need your advice; he or she is just looking for a listener. Take the time to ask how you can help. Maybe he or she will ask for prayer, advice, or even a hug. Asking how you can help creates an opportunity for the other individual to think through what he or she really needs in that moment, and they’ll appreciate that kindness from you!