From the desk – April 12

Six-thirty a.m. on a Saturday morning is not something I see very often. Normally at this time, I have only been asleep for three hours and I plan on sleeping another five. But I was up Saturday with what my mom says is a “smile on my face and song in my heart.” The smile was for the bounty that I was soon to reap at the J.Crew outlet sale — the song was from the lyrical genius Uncle Kracker that my pal Ashley began humming as soon as she was buckled into my car.

For anyone who has ever shopped the J.Crew sale, they know two things. Arrive early and wear leggings. Getting there early ensures finding the best stuff and the leggings, well they make the trying on process easier as there are zero mirrors and zero privacy.

But even with proper planning, there are always those that arrive earlier. Our two-hour shuffle to the front of the line gave us the opportunity to make new friends with the hip Lynchburg moms in front of us and time to map out our game plan.

After finally making it past the bouncer at the door, the madness begins. Outwitting, outlasting and outplaying are what matter the most in this game. Pushing, shoving, throwing, shouting, maneuvering — A fashionistas version of survival of the fittest and the weak will not win.

That girl that quietly sits next to you in class becomes a vulture, circling your bag of clothes until you discard the remnants of what seemed like a cute skirt when you first snatched it. The woman that kindly complemented you in line is the same woman that with crazy eyes and claw-like hands growls, “That’s mine,” as you both reach to pick up a cardigan.

After rummaging through three or four boxes of unsalvageable sweaters marked “Sample,” in permanent marker, I crouched on my hands and knees to sift through boxes on the floor. Finding nothing but mateless shoes and an unfortunate yeti-like fleece pullover, I popped back up to behold a girl changing in the middle of the store. Normally, this would be considered socially unacceptable, but the rules change at the J. Crew outlet sale. Of course there were the gawking girls, whispering to their friends from the other side of the table but there was one thing the scantly clad girl did not attract, and that was the eye of the five or so boys that I knew to be Liberty students that were standing nearby. I observed these boys averting their eyes and turning their heads and wanted to give them all high fives. Bravo boys.

I may have lost much needed sleep and may be $140 in the hole, but the sparkly flats that are currently giving me blisters were well worth it.