Tuesday Testimonies: Agreeing With the Creator

Ciera Lehmann did not like her nose. Or her legs. But, she thought, that is normal. Everyone has their insecurities.

Ciera never thought she struggled with major body image issues. She has known and accepted her identity as a daughter of God since she was 3 years old. She is the daughter of two pastors, both her mother and father, who started a church in Florida.

Ciera loves others well, has a good relationship with God and seeks His will. In her eyes, she has His joy. She loves ministry. But she still struggled with something deeply rooted within her that she did not even recognize were there. 

“It wasn’t a self-hate, but it wasn’t a love for what God made,” Ciera said.

Last week, Ciera and a friend got on the topic of appearances and what she does not like about the way she looks. She had always pushed aside these thoughts, but her friend encouraged her to dig into them and figure out where they came from. 

“I heard the Lord say, this one’s going to hurt a little bit, and He revealed to me instantly where I’d opened that door,” Ciera said. “And I know it was the Lord because I never in a million years would have ever put that together.”

Ciera watches Korean television shows with her mom and sister. What God revealed was that slowly, Ciera’s mind switched from liking the outfits and hairstyles of the actresses to comparing herself to them – desiring their features, their small noses, their thin legs and every other insecurity she let build up. 

“I didn’t realize that root had gone so deep,” Ciera said.

So, her friend sent her a video called “Loving Yourself Well” by Abi Stumvoll that challenged girls to repent to the parts of themselves they do not like. 

Ciera went back to her dorm room and started filling a page in her journal with every one that came to mind.

She also did not like the way her skin broke out sometimes. Or the lines on her neck from sleeping. Or her side profile. Or the wrinkles on her nose from stress. Or her shin splints and weak ankles.

When she was done, she stood up in front of the mirror with a list of blemishes and imperfections.

Then, she started apologizing to them.

“Nose, I’m sorry for not loving you the way God made you. As long as you’re on my face, I’m going to love you until the day I die. I promise not to change a thing.”

“Side profile, as stupid as it sounds, you’re going to look great in wedding photos.”

“Legs, maybe you gained a little weight, but you got me this far walking, and thanks for helping me run because I love running.”

Over the years, this way of viewing herself had been so ingrained within her that she did not even realize it was there.

This negative view was hiding in plain sight in the way she would not turn the lights on in the bathroom when she woke up so she would not have to see her tired complexion. It was whispering to her that she could not run anymore because her legs were hurting or not in shape. 

“It wasn’t coming from a place of agreeing with the Creator, and I (finally) realized that is the essence of loving who you are and loving yourself is agreeing with what God made me,” Ciera said.

So, in front of that mirror, she preached truth to herself. Her invisible shackles became visible. The chains that had wrapped around her and locked her down into that mindset fell away. 

She has a new view of her insecurities now.

“This is how people must feel when they get saved because I feel so different,” Ciera said. “I love myself, and not in an arrogant way, but I love what God made.”

Jacqueline Hale is the Feature Editor. Follow him on Twitter at @HaleJacquelineR.