Christmas ain’t that great

Materialism and obnoxious songs have buried the meaning of the season

Christmas time is here.

Whatever that means.

At a certain point, it probably meant it was late December, a few days, or even a few weeks before Christmas Day. I would not really know, because since I can remember, Christmas has been more of a season than a holiday.

And with each passing year, the season of Christmas seems to become slightly more abstract. Evergreen-shaped Reese’s are on the shelves the day after Halloween. “Jingle Bells” is on the radio in mid-November. Next thing you know, the seasons are going to consist of spring, summer, Christmas and winter. Watch your back, autumn.

Speaking of music, it has to be time to get some new Christmas songs, right? I think that Mariah Carey one is the most recent song, and it came out in 1994. I am all for respecting the classics — I listen to Beethoven before bed every night — but come on now. Fanny packs were still sort of a popular thing in 1994. Can we not write another good Christmas song? Not one?

That is assuming most Christmas songs are good in the first place. They are not. “Jingle Bell Rock,” “Santa Clause is Coming to Town,” “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” — every one is lukewarm garbage.

OK, “Feliz Navidad” is kind of fun.

While we are on the subject of Christmas-themed entertainment, why not talk about movies? “Elf” and “Home Alone” were funny, but I will take a pass on pretty much every other Christmas movie.

Christmas used to be a lot more fun, you know, back when my parents chronically lied to me about it. Turns out, they just wanted an excuse to eat milk and cookies. No wonder they always rushed my sister and me to bed Christmas Eve night. Warm milk would be no good.

Looking back, I probably should have realized Santa would have had to drink millions of glasses of room-temperature milk in one night to fulfill his duties. Although if he could slide down a chimney, the limits of things like the laws of physics do not really apply.

Christmas was definitely not as fun once the whole “Santa Clause is real” bubble was burst, which is really quite a shame. Parents (most parents, anyway) work extra hard and save up money for Christmas to make sure they have good presents for their children. And the kids would rather get those gifts from an old, fat dude they have never met. The lesson — kids are kind of evil.

At the root of all the lying, bad music and bad movies is one thing — the materialism of Christmas. Back me up, Kirk Cameron. We seem to have forgotten the whole reason we even celebrate Christmas is to mark the birth of Jesus. Instead, we worry about if someone messed up the family breakfast casserole recipe or if Aunt Dorothy got anybody something besides socks this year.

Before I am christened the modern-day Scrooge, let me defend myself — there are good things about Christmas. Jesus, multitudes of mint-flavored stuff, ham and Christmas Day NBA games are some of my favorite things in the world. I even enjoy an occasional glass of eggnog.

Christmas can be a great time of the year, but we have made it into a monster that could end up devouring the entire calendar. We must stop feeding that monster.

Or we really will have Christmas in July.

TICHENOR is the sports editor.